My name is Jaz
and this is my story.
I spent the first part of my life (until the age of
35) trying to rid myself of an intense feeling of
emptiness inside me. I was constantly
searching for that ‘elusive something’ that
would magically transform my life and make
everything ‘alright’ Everything I did, every
choice I made was fuelled by my need to be rid of
that feeling. I wanted so badly to just belong!
In my attempt to ‘fit-in’ and ‘belong’ I made many
poor choices. Choices that created havoc in my
life. I partied hard, drank way too much, tried
drugs and was very promiscuous. Of course none of
this helped me to fill the empty feeling I had
inside. Instead it simply intensified the feeling
and added the misery of self loathing, guilt and
fear which only increased my inner turmoil. My
life was quickly becoming one bad experience after
another.
This was all leading up to my first suicide attempt
at age 21
and from there things only got worse.
I managed to survive one dysfunctional relationship
after another, many of them abusive. At first it
was verbal and emotional abuse, then I graduated to
relationships that included physical violence. Two
of my relationships left me in hospital after
particularly violent attacks. I just didn’t know
how to break the cycle.
I never really had any friends, because I was always
on the move. For whatever the reason was at the
time, I would change jobs, leave a relationship,
move house, move to different cities, I even moved
to a different country in an attempt to outrun my
problems.
But…the same problems kept occurring. Same problems
but with different men! Same problems but in
different jobs! Same problems but with different
people!
I had so much pain and anger inside me that anyone
who got close to me suffered from my volatile
outbursts. Mostly they did the sensible thing and
just walked away. But I couldn’t run away from
myself. I couldn’t escape the drama I was creating
in my life. So at the age of 35 I’d had enough and
again attempted to end my life.
That was the turning point for me. I was diagnosed
with clinical depression (which they say I must have
been suffering from for many years) What a
relief… I thought I would finally get the help that
I so desperately needed, but what I got was
‘medicated’ and told that I would need to stay
on the medication for the rest of my life.
The medication did help to some extent, but it
didn’t give me the answers I so desperately needed.
§
Why was my life such a mess ?
§
Would it ever get better ?
§
How do I make it better ?
§ How
do I cope with the day-to-day problems that are part
of living?
§
How do I feel better about myself ?
§
How do I stop creating all the painful stuff ?
§
How do I ever begin to feel like I belong ?
§
How do I repair the relationships I’ve ruined ?
§ How
do I build strong, loving, productive relationships
in the future ?
These questions and many more were the catalysts for
the creation of Life Dynamix. I spent the next 18
months living out in the country (on my own).
During that time I began the daunting process of
·
figuring out who I really was
·
how my life got to be what it was
·
what it was that I really wanted
· and
most importantly … how to begin creating what I
wanted from my life.
Like most people who are in that position, I was
real sure about the stuff that was part of my life
that I didn’t want… Of course I had to figure
out how to LET-IT-GO before I could begin creating
the stuff that I did want to have and experience in
my life, and before I could begin to be the person I
wanted to be (the real me)
Just a few of the things that I began to understand
during my journey of ‘self discovery’ were…
§
Our thoughts are creative, what we think about we
create !
§ Every
choice we make comes with two price tags -
Consequences and Responsibility
§ Taking
responsibility for your life gives you the ability
to change it!
§ Every
moment is an opportunity to choose to do things
differently and that is how you create change – by
CHOOSING SOMETHING ELSE !
My journey of ‘self-discovery’ was done without any
help or guidance from anyone else. (only because I
couldn’t find anyone who knew how to help me). I
would take one step forward and three back. It
sometimes felt like I would never get-it.
But I had the best motivation of all… my life
was on the line !
After that initial 18 month period my work really
began. I was in the process of re-creating myself
and my entire life. At first the changes I managed
to make were small (in comparison to the major ones
that were to come), but with each of the small
changes I was proving to myself that it was
possible. As the small changes started adding up,
my life began to take a totally different path.
I was mending old relationships, building new
relationships, letting-go of the anger and the
pain, taking control of the things I could do
something about, and no longer focusing my every
thought on the stuff I couldn’t change.
Throughout my entire journey of ‘self discovery’ and
change I kept a journal of the process and it was
from that journal that I later began to design the
Life Dynamix program.
Many of my clients ask me if I would go through
everything I have again if I had to. My answer is
yes… Because it is through my experiences
(both the painful and the empowering experiences)
that I have managed to create the life I have always
wanted.
I know what it is like to be in that black void,
feeling like there is nothing you can do to fix
things. Now my life is all about helping others
to find the courage and the strength to take control
of what they are creating in their lives and
teaching them (using 12 easy steps) how to
write their own unique ‘How-To’ Manual for living
so that it works for them every time.
Please take the time to
contact me
either by phone or email to book your FREE-NO
OBLIGATION session with me
I personally answer all emails because I am very
aware that each and every person who asks for my
help is a precious opportunity for me to help change
the world, one life at a time.
Cheers
Jaz Benson
